If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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