It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
