Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
