I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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