He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
