You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
