i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
