i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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