I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What a dumb baby whore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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