i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
