on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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