I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
