he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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