where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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