I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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