He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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