I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
