That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize