You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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