Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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