1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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