DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
