some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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