I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
