I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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