sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
