my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
