Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
