Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
