Just fell off a train. Bad.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
