So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
