I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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