If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
