capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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