Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
