Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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