Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Shame - the story of my life.
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