Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
