So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
