just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
that is very illegal...i love you.
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