i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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