Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
