its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
