she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
