we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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