they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
