I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
