you have to choose: penises or morals?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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