If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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