My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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