He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
