Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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