I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
