Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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