the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
