I think im going to throw up on grandma
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
