He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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