i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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