Don't make out with my wife yet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
