Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
