They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
