Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think your dad took our porno
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
