i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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