is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
