her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
