lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
