dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
