Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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