Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
