I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
