well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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