Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
