He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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