i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
