i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
