so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
