yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
